15 Things Stealing Self-Control

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15 Things Stealing Self-Control Inspired By GaryVee’s Most Powerful Quote

For the longest time, I pursued goals because I thought they were the right things to chase, not really knowing if I personally, truly believed in them.

I quit working in the fitness industry to pursue a career as a teacher.

I did my Masters in Educational Leadership & Learning.

I climbed the ladder of formal rewards to become a Principal in schools.

While I’m grateful for many of these accomplishments, in each of them there was an element of “this is what I am supposed to do”. 

It wasn’t until I was well into creating the Just Keep Learning Podcast that I realized how different it feels to pursue the goal that I personally am driven by. 

And I want that exact same feeling for you. 

In order to have that exact same feeling though, it can help to understand a bit about why we may not be in control in the first place.

Gary Vee As A Big Dream Builder

When I was introduced to Gary Vee’s content a few years ago, I didn’t like it, but now I love it because of how much more I understand in terms of where he’s coming from. 

I’ve heard many other entrepreneurs tell that same story.

If they kept listening.

To say Gary has a huge library of quotes and wisdom on goal setting would be a massive understatement. It would take years to work through all the videos, podcasts and traditional books created to help people succeed. 

But one specific comment really stands out when it comes to this point of gaining control over our lives.

Gary Vee Comments On The Things That Are In Our Head

Gary reminds us that the phrases of self talk holding us back were planted there by someone else. The idea that we are not the voices in our head. He has shared this idea many times, here is one quick example so you can listen for yourself:

“If you are shitting on yourself, that is not your natural state. You are not born or built to actually think you suck. You don’t. You’ve actually parrotted someone else’s voice. So many of you unfortunately are in ecosystems of family members, or people close to you who’ve built insecurity in you from the get, and I am here to take it out. My friend, you don’t suck, you are awesome. You need to carve that shit outta your brain”

We Need To Feel In Control

Did you know that one of the most common things that leads to kids becoming dysregulated is losing a sense of control?

As a parent, teacher, babysitter, or older sibling we see this when a child feels like they are being surprised, or unsure.

Well, remember we’re just little kiddos all grown up.

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t really love riding in the back sat of a car, on a bus, or train because someone else is in complete control.

I especially don’t like airplanes because now we are 40,000 feet in the air and someone else is in complete control.

Regardless of your comfort with different modes of travel, I think it’s safe to say that most of us like to have a sense of control.

Being in control and owning our lives is still, at it’s core, important to us, but many of us have forgotten how important it is.

When, Or Why Did We Lost Control?

All of this talk reminds me of a fun quote that comes to mind anytime I feel like I myself am losing control.

In the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, during the climactic fight scene with Shredder, Michelangelo asks, “Now, at exactly what point did we lose control here”.

As it relates to a mindset that helps us achieve big dreams, there are many things that could lead to feeling a similar lack of control. 

As kids we became more and more controlled by rules.

We were told when to lineup for recess, when to walk down the halls, or even go to the damn bathroom. Our parents told us what time to go to bed, how to speak and what activities to do. This likely rolled into bosses who similarly give us a schedule, and tasks to complete.

In many contexts, it makes sense to have such guidance. We should wait for other people to make decisions for us. But these should be tied to those specific aspects, and not leak into our personal purpose and vision.

In the overall, overarching, umbrella of life goals, we do not need other people to make decisions for us.

Things That Could Actually Be In Control

Ideas being planted in our minds that steal our control can from a combination of different sources. I’m sure we could brainstorm a whole bunch of ideas, but here are a few.

  1. Negative messaging from family, friends, or authority figures
  2. Past experiences, trauma, or conflict
  3. Shame, or guilt
  4. Unrealistic expectations
  5. Social comparison, or peer pressure
  6. Emotions like fear, anxiety, or sadness
  7. Lack of attachment, or unconditional love
  8. Fear of rejection, or loneliness
  9. Negative self-talk, self-belief habits learned from others
  10. Exposure to negative news or media
  11. Stress, or mental health conditions
  12. Comfort, ease, safety and simplicity
  13. Tradition, reputation and education
  14. Worrying what others might think
  15. Perceived responsibilities to other people, or circumstances

How Can We Take Back Some Control?

Alright, cool, now what the heck do we do with this list?

Well, I’ve come to realize, supporting anyone with goalsetting is much like working through addiction into recovery.

The goal is to continually break bad habits of seeking pleasure, or avoiding pain
It is not an overnight process.
And the triggers that get in our way are very specific to one person.
So are the solutions.

So, for now, the idea is just to look at the list and be aware of any of these things that may still be making decisions for us. From there we can decide whether or not we want a big dream.

Thanks for reading. Your pal,
Justin @JustTries 

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DreamBig, GoalSetting


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