Probably the most common question people ask me. (I love your questions, so keep ’em coming!)
“How do I pick my niche?” or “I have so many dreams, which one should I work on?”
Once you remove your dream blockers, you’re gonna have a ton of ideas.
And those ideas can become really overwhelming.
So “picking” becomes that much more important.
But I put “picking” in quotations because you can do them all (eventually).
This was really freeing for me.
A friend of mine, Jaime Masters who I really look up to reminded me. You can do all the things. But the fastest, less stressful way to do them all is in sequence.
One at a time.
So, the question becomes what is your “One Thing” for now?
Regret And Overwhelm
Finding your purpose, your meaning, your north star, is a popular topic.
And it starts with self awareness. True self awareness. The kind where you are completely honest with yourself.
I’ll talk about the specific steps to take in finding your purpose, but first I wanna talk philosophically a bit.
We often feel “stuck” or “behind” in life and this mostly comes when we compare ourselves to others.
I remember like it was yesterday. As a kid wanting to play hockey in the NHL, shifting to football in the NFL. Really wanting to be that professional athlete who can go volunteer their time at the local children’s hospital. And you know, sign autographs, because it makes a kid’s day.
And I got a version of that, it just wasn’t quite the mountain top that I wanted to climb. I did get pretty high up. But I can remember in the off seasons going to watch Pro Sports. Lions football, the Sens or Redwings hockey and I’d look at those pro athletes standing for the national anthem before the game getting all jacked up and ready to compete.
I would always feel a bit of jealousy, combined with regret about why I didn’t figure out that goal? Why couldn’t I friggin figure that out?
It was not an easy feeling and when I first started creating on social media, looking at fellow creators with big podcast, or living their dream life as content creators gave me a similar vibe. The good news this time is that I am playing an infinite game.
Use Jealousy As A Green Flag
It happens to all of us at least a little bit, at some point.
You know, you see a friend of yours. Maybe posting pictures, when they’re flying around the world. Doing photography, filmmaking or crushing it as a music producer, or with paintings they sell.
And these sort of pangs of jealousy hit.
Now there are a few foundational things to keep in mind when we deal with this.
- One is actually a positive approach. I love how Mel Robbins talks about the idea of using jealousy as a sign. Instead of a red flag, we should allow jealousy to help us as a green flag. We can learn that this is maybe something we want to pursue. In this way, jealousy can be a positive.
- Jealousy and feeling behind are completely relative (Donald Trump could have felt this way the last few years about Joe Biden, I certainly know Charlemagne feels this way about Post Malone. It’s not a feeling that is specific to any one level of success.
- The other way to look at this is that we should surrender our results to the universe anyways. I’m reading an awesome book right now, The Surrender Experiment by Michael singer, that reminds us to simply let go of results in our lives. To ride the events of your life like waves on the ocean. But something a lot of people get wrong about surrendering is not understanding that in healthy ways we can and SHOULD exercise our will and be an active participant in the decisions we make. So, keeping your moon in sight as you land amongst the stars, detached from worry about results is the key.
So let’s assume you do feel like you could be a bit more focused in your pursuits. You understand that you need to let go of control, or anxiety about how it plays out.
But, you do want to get more clear on your purpose. You want to feel less stuck because you at least have Plan A. How do you find your purpose? (In a healthy way)
3 Steps To Pick Your One Thing
I actually just did this yesterday with a client and it’s always so much fun!
Hands down, this is one of my favorite things to do with people.
Reflect on activities, topics, or subjects that invigorate you.
Don’t hold back – let your imagination and true interests guide you.
Here are some prompts to help:
- Define Your Skills
- When you think of traits and skills that you are good at, what comes to mind?
- What skills are you really interested in?
- If you have someone, or some people whose opinions you value enough to ask, then ask them what they think your strengths are and add these to the list.
- What skills would you love to improve?
- Name Your Passions
- What are a couple topics you would love learning about?
- What are you really interested in that fascinates, or intrigues you?
- Name as many things you can that bring you into a state of flow. Things you would do all day, every day, for free.
- Who Do You Want To Serve?
- Is this for you, or for current or future customers and clients?
- Who already overvalues what you do?
- What brings you fulfillment with your work?
Now Put Em Together!
It’s time to identify your highest scoring ideas.
Take all of the ideas you have about skills and passions and make a list of 1-10.
If you really know what it is already, then you have one.
Congrats, if you don’t, then think of up to twenty missions you could go on to achieve a life goal. List them all out.
Now, give each of the ideas a score from zero to one hundred, by asking the question: “How excited would you be if this goal came true?”
NOTE: To rank each idea, turn your brain off. Ignore your inner critic, don’t worry about what others might think, don’t second guess your idea, don’t reflect on how original it is, or the likelihood of success, and don’t even worry whether or not you would do it as a job, hobby, vocation, or career.
Simply ask the question, and see what your heart and gut say back!
Which Passion Has The Highest Score?
That’s your ONE Thing (for now)
The pursuit that resonates with your deepest desires and aspirations.
For some of us this takes a little more reflection.
You might have competing passions, or many ideas. If that’s the case, get your list down to as few as possible, and spend some time in reflection.
You Might Need To Try Eliminating
If you’re still stuck, it can be helpful to work in reverse.
Ask the question: “What do you NOT WANT in your life, or daily routine?”
Consider what you would rather not have. Eliminating options can often clarify your true desires.
Engage in a reflective activity like walking or yoga, and ponder deeply about what does not bring you great joy? What could you care less about? What values, or lifestyles are not really important to you?
This will help you then focus on What You Do Want.
“Try Your Best And Forget The Rest”
Paw Patrol coming in hot! Haha, “Try Your Best And Forget The Rest” is a quote from the super popular kids show that I’ve heard a million times and it really rings true here.
We often think that climbing a certain ladder is the key to feeling great, but really a great person is one who needs nothing.
Besides, we don’t want it leaning up against the wrong house anyways (this is why “Just Tries”) embracing the embarrassment and confusion of figuring this out. If it’s worthwhile, and a big ass crazy goal, then it’s going to be difficult. It’s going to take a lot of figuring out. And the more time, patience and consistency you can achieve, the more you’ll be confident you want this anyways.
It’s also most important to keep your foundation intact.
Death or illness gives us the perspective we need when it comes to our purpose. Health, Wellness And Relationships are the true freedom.
I love this quote from Confucious: “A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man only wants one.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for success. I want a million podcast listeners and newsletter readers, I want to be able to publish successful books and make films. But that needs to come AFTER my foundation is intact. Eating well, sleeping well, meditating, exercising, being a good parent, husband, family member, friend and THEN finding alignment with those Big Dreams.
Fundamentally, it’s just math. To do it this way will take longer. And that’s ok.
One last thought. There will be unknowns. Uncertainty, or unknown is uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to remember that this does not go away. Living with uncertainty is truly the key to hitting your next level because it is truly unpredictable. If you don’t get excited about living with uncertainty you simply can not make progress.
Want To Apply For Coaching?
I go super deep and it takes a lot of energy, I only take on a few clients at a time. So it’s always a good idea to be on the waiting list.
Every so often I go to my list of applicants and do some initial clarity calls.
I charge a lot of money for a one-time clarity call, but for potential coaching clients, this call is FREE.
It’s not a 15 minute “chat”. More like 1-2 hours. And it is a deep, powerful, life changing coaching session.
The goal of this session is to identify your big dream, what’s getting in the way, and come up with a plan.
There is no big sales pitch about being a client at the end.
If you want to work together long term AND I feel it would be a positive experience for both of us then I will explain the next steps.
Either it will be a Hell Yes, Or A Hell No! But no matter what it will be an incredible experience.
If you want to learn more about how and why I specifically coach people one to one, check out this article.
Want To Apply For Coaching?
If you want to explore working together you can apply here.
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I listened to their podcasts, read their newsletters and read their books.
Years later I had saved up enough money, or worked up the courage to learn from them directly.
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